He is Loved

A little less than midway through my 3rd pregnancy we learned our baby’s heartbeat stopped. He had passed away. We were devastated by this loss. Our hearts ached and our lives were shaken. I had already miscarried 2 previous pregnancies and now this loss-it was almost too much to bear!

I chose to wait and see if my body would naturally go into labor. Within a few weeks I started to experience cramping and bleeding but my body would not release the baby. In the process of my follow ups we also learned I had a blood disorder and it was recommended that I terminate this pregnancy to ensure my own safety and life. Given I had a daughter at home I knew that termination was the best option.

Knowing my baby had died and now going through with the termination were and are two of the most difficult times in my life. I know though that it was the best decision! My baby boy is in a better place. He is loved.

Not a day goes by that I don’t think of him or wonder what he would have been like. Knowing now that today termination would not be an option for me-for my family is devastating.

No one should be able to choose what is best for a woman except that woman!

Today I have three healthy children-2 daughters and a son-knowing that my daughters (with the same blood disorder as I) now have less freedoms and rights than I did worries and angers me! I have to believe that a change is on the way-that this is not how it ends-that we, as woman will rise up and fight for our freedom over our bodies and choices.

That in this suffering and pain we find a light, and that our strength and determination and power is never underestimated again. I do this for my daughters, I do this for woman who are scared, I do this for those who feels judged and defeated.

I do this for any girl and woman out there who feels unheard. It is never my place to judge and always my place to love. So I love on, pray and hope that in love we bring about change.